ZOO's relationship guru John Aiken is here to make your relationships something you can easily handle....

This week's question

My fiancée wants to have kids within the next 12 to 24 months, I’m not sure if I’m ready for that just yet. But in a way I know it will make her the happiest women if I give that to her. What do you suggest I do?
Cheers,
Steele

John Says:

There’s a point in every relationship when you need to front up and make the commitment to take it to the next level. For most of you that means settling down and getting hitched. It will happen at different times for all couples but make no mistake – if you can’t step up and take the plunge, then be prepared to watch it fizzle out!

Now I’ve heard plenty of excuses along the way that stop couples from taking it to the next level. Some say it’s too expensive, they’re too busy, they’re not sure about having kids, they don’t see the point, they need more time to be sure, and they want to focus right now on their career. Whatever the case, one year can turn into 5 years and you still find yourself in limbo about whether or not you’ve got a long-term future together.  

Instead of falling into this trap, you need to get honest about your relationship and start to put it first. You need to look at the 5 following signs and see if you’re ready to take it to the next level. If you are then start walking the walk and commit. If you’re not, don’t waste anymore time, front up and break it off.

5 key signs that tell you it’s time to take it to the next level:

1) You’re in love
When you’re ready to take it to the next level you need to be in love with each other. It’s a pretty simple yardstick.  If you’re not sure about how you feel about your partner then you’ve got a big problem. Because you’re about to make the biggest commitment of your life and you want to be doing this with someone who you have a deep and intense connection with. Anything other than a ‘yes’ to this question is a sign you’re wasting your time and you need to move on.

 2) You have similar relationship expectations
You need to be on the same page about how you want to run your relationship before taking it to the next level. This means getting clear about having children, being faithful to each other, socialising with friends, what type of parents you want to be, and how you want to run your household (chores, domestics). What role are the grandparents, religion and schooling going to play. You also want to get specific about where you see your relationship in 12 months, 2 years and 5 years time. If you can do this, then it’s a great sign of things to come.  

3) You’re sexually compatible
Sex and affection are good indicators that you’re ready to move things forward as a couple. It’s a bad sign if you’re not clicking in the bedroom and there’s a lack of affection in your life. Sure, you may not be having as much sex as you once had when you were infatuated with each other. But you still need to be having quality sex and be meeting each other’s physical expectations. You need to know how to hit each other’s sexual buttons, prioritise affection and still desire each other.

4) You’re good with finances
Money plays a big role in a couple’s life. So many arguments occur around finances and how you spend or save.  You must work as a team in this area if you’re going to do well moving forward. Forget the idea of mine and yours. It’s all about being transparent, having joint accounts, working within a team financial plan and having saving goals. There can be no secrets here. If you’re going to get hitched, then you must show great honesty and teamwork on this front.

5) You communicate well
How you talk to each other is a great sign of being ready to move forward. Arguments are all part of being in a relationship, but how you communicate is the key to staying together. You want to be able to   compliment each other, listen without fixing, acknowledge joint achievements, and ask questions and be interested. You want to use ‘we’ not ‘I’ and look to solve problems as a team rather than play the blame game. By communicating well, you keep growing and your relationship can survive the different challenges that come up along the way.
I want to hear your thoughts? What are the tell tale signs that you’re ready to step up and get married?

For more advice and free relationship tips go to www.johnaikenadvice.com
To get free chapters of his best-selling book Accidentally Single go to www.accidentallysingle.com

Remember

Email us your dating and relationship questions and let John help you out: zooweekly@ninemsn.com.au!

OVER TO YOU: How do you know you're ready for the next step?